Country Chic Texas Weddings
- 8016 N Fm 1126
- Barry, TX 75102
- (903) 257-8008
"The Joys of Premarital Education"
As an engaged couple sits gazing into their partners’ eyes answering questions in a premarital education class, I still sigh and smile. I know the part of the relationship they are in is one of deep biological passion and sweet heart-felt love. So much love is taken to the altar with physical feelings trailing along creating opportunities for love the bloom.
They get into their limousine looking back at the guests who are all waving goodbye as they shout “congratulations”. Everything at the wedding went very well. The honeymoon destination is exactly as planned. But, the bride sheds small tears as she looks into her husband’s eyes for calming reassurance, but sees a bewildered look instead. Gasp! Why is she crying? OMG! What is he bewildered?
Before the wedding there was so much excitement, and now the wedding-bell blues arrive. She responds one way and he another. As they once again gaze into each others eyes, do they know how to respond with love or do they react through fear? Have they learned the differences? Are they able to complain and not criticize; or, criticize without contempt? In the midst of a disagreement – and there will be a few – are you, a newlywed so much in love, able to step away from the emotionally charged moment and figure out what is truly at the root of the outburst? A past fear or regret? Have you been trained to “say what you mean and understand what you hear?”
George Sala aptly said, “It is difficult not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
Truth is most engaged couples prepare for their weddings more than their marriage. The $50-billion-a-year-wedding industry can attest to that fact. More than one million copies of bridal magazines are sold each month, focusing on wedding ceremonies, honeymoon destinations and home furnishing – but not on marriage itself. Sadly enough, the truth is that less than one fifth of all marriages in America are preceded by some kind of formal marriage preparation. (These findings are based on telephone interviews with 1,037 adults, age eighteen and above. The survey was conducted between September 24 and October 9, 1988. Errors attributable to various samples could affect the percentage.)
Did you know that the hot points in marriage are wrongly blamed on in-laws, money and sex? Actually misunderstandings basically result from poor communication. How do you communicate with your beloved? Through acts of service, physical touch, kind words, quality time or gift giving? How does your partner communicate their love to you? Are you able to recognize the primary way your beloved expresses love? Dr. Gary Chapman has written an exciting series of books on “The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate.” It’s a fabulous series of books, and it’s all about communication.
Men and women, as I’m sure you know, communicate differently, but we also listen differently. When men hear about issues or problem, they want to fix. What women hear about, they want to explore, talk about it. Your beloved may just need to vent when she’s talking with you; she simply needs you to listen. Her beloved offers ideas and solutions to the assumed problem. She wants to share while he wants to share as well, just in another way. Both ways are gifts, but are you able to understand that? Have you been taught to be a reflective listener? Not only is it a great way to let your beloved know you are listening by repeating exactly what you “hear”, but it also defuses potential conflicts. By repeating back to your beloved exactly what you heard, you will be able to think about the words (not the emotion used to say them) and repeat word for word. Your beloved will probably respond, well I didn’t mean it the way you took it. You, as a literal person, will respond, and rightly so, but that’s what you said. Then communication becomes an integral part of your conversation.
Anyway, after the bouquet is caught and tuxedos are returned couples assume they’re headed for marital bliss. You may be headed for marital bliss if you know how to address issues that married life produces. Bliss can be found in so many ways if you only have the skills to recognize it; and premarital education can do that for you and your beloved.
If you happen to live in the State of Texas, there is a great program sponsored by Twogether in Texas (I am a registered provider for this service.). If you take a minimum of eight hours of premarital education, you will receive not only great tools to use during all phases of your marriage but also a certificate to present to the County Clerk’s office that will give you $60.00 off your marriage license. What a deal…save your marriage before it starts and a license to boot.